Measuring Success: New Years Resolutions

At the table on New Year�s Day, my husband announced, �I am giving up French fries and ice cream.�� Most of us stopped with our forks mid-air, our hoppin� john and collards momentarily forgotten.

�Okay, sweetheart,� I said, in the voice normally reserved for crazy people juggling hand grenades.� I felt his forehead for the raging fever that was surely behind this momentary madness.� For many, giving up the two indulgences would require strong resolve and sacrifice.� For him, I feared it would require resuscitation.

�Why do we do this?� my daughter wondered.� �Why do we have to take something away from ourselves?� Why can�t we add something that will enrich our lives?� It�s ridiculous.�

These were good questions, and they made me reflect on the various ridiculous goals we set for ourselves; from kicking pizza to the curb to make way for kale salad, ditching reality television for PBS, and removing Starbucks locations from our GPS; to purging the pantry, putting the last People Magazine we swear we�ll ever buy in the recycle bin, and swearing off a redemptive glass of wine at the end of a tough day.� We vow to go cold turkey on January 1st, as if to punish ourselves for the sins of the past year.

I have no actual data to back it up, but I imagine the success rate of New Year�s resolutions is somewhere between zero and zip.� In light of these dismal statistics, it does seem that it�s high time to revamp the tradition, and ease a little more gently into the new year.� At the very least, perhaps we could move our resolution start date a bit farther down the road.� Experience tells me that it is harder to go from the excesses and high octane pace of the holidays, straight into deprivation mode.� Perhaps we could make our fresh start in, let�s say March.� We�re not under a lot of pressure in March, and it would give us a good two weeks to recover our normal blood sugar levels and come to our senses after Valentine�s Day.

We weren�t crazy enough to give up fast food, so several days later, my husband and I were going through the drive-thru at Sonic. We placed our orders, and when the voice in the box asked him if he wanted fries, he answered a determined, �No thank you.�� Then, added, �I�ll have onion rings.�

�You realize that onion rings are way worse than French fries, don�t you?�� I asked.

�Yep,� he answered, matter-of-factly.� �But they aren�t French fries.�

I�m pretty sure that he was missing the point. �Let me get this straight,� I said. �Based on this philosophy, I can give up donuts this year, but add brownies, because brownies aren�t donuts?�

�Exactly,� he replied.

I suppose it�s all in the way you measure success.� Me? Ask me again in March.

/Susan Frampton